Porn addiction is not a myth. It is a real problem, suffered by real people. Porn addiction causes untold damage in the lives of the addict, as well as those who love them. Addiction can result in the loss of jobs, the end of a marriage, or worse. Overcoming pornography addiction, in most cases, feels impossible for the addict. Most live a shameful double life, with little hope of recovery. If this describes you, we understand, and we’re here to help.
At LifeStar Therapy, we believe pornography addiction can be overcome—that addicts can rebuild their self-esteem, their relationships, and their lives. The recovery process is not easy, but we have over 20 years of experience helping people heal and recover from the damage done by porn addictions. Success in recovery first requires recognizing the problem and admitting that you need help to overcome it.
Click on a link below to browse that section of the article:
- What is A Porn Addiction?
- Is Porn Addiction a Real Thing?
- Signs and Symptoms
- Compulsion vs. Addiction vs. Obsession
- How Do I Break a Porn Addiction?
- What Are Recovery Strategies?
- How Do I Find the Right Therapist?
- What Questions Should I Ask My Therapist?
- Is Therapy for Porn or Sex Addiction Effective?
- What Is the Prognosis for Recovery?
- How Does Therapy Compare to Coaching or Twelve Steps?
- How Can I Overcome Addiction While in a Relationship or Marriage?
- How Do I Disclose a Slip-Up to My Spouse?
- How Can I Repair a Marriage or Relationship After Addiction?
- Why Is It Important to Discuss Addiction in a Marriage/Relationship?
- Does My Spouse Have a Porn Addiction?
- Why Is Porn Addiction Traumatic for Spouses and What Can They Do to Start the Healing Process?
Porn addiction, like any addiction, is a dysfunction in the reward center of the brain. In porn addiction, the brain is tricked into releasing unhealthy levels of dopamine in response to a stimulus. That stimulus can be a substance (like cocaine or alcohol), or a behavior (like gambling). The brain learns to expect these heightened levels of dopamine from the stimulus, and takes steps to achieve it again.
Over time—sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly—that reward loop is reinforced, and conscious choice is overridden until the addict is effectively incapable of resisting the urge to repeat the activity. By this point, they have likely realized they have a problem, but repeated attempts to break the cycle prove fruitless.
Is Porn Addiction a Real Thing?
Those with a pornography addiction suffer from very real symptoms, just as they would with any disease. Medical and psychiatric professionals can diagnose this addiction as an actual disease, similar to a drug or alcohol addiction. Professionals will diagnose the disease by identifying specific signs and symptoms related to the addiction.
At its root, pornography addiction comes about from the high levels of dopamine that are released in the process of viewing or even anticipating the viewing of pornography. Some people may become addicted, while others do not. This is determined by a mix of individual genetics, environment, and brain development.
Porn addiction is when this cycle of addiction happens as a result of viewing pornography, which has the capacity to trigger an overwhelming dopamine release. Because of the way the addiction dominates behavior, rewrites priorities, and confuses self-worth, they can often be identified by the addict by looking at the symptoms and side effects which, for pornography addiction, include:
- Intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature
- Strong cravings or urges that are difficult to ignore
- Decreased emotional connectivity and intimacy in relationships
- Continued use despite severe consequences such as job loss or divorce
- Losing track of significant periods of time due to excessive usage
- Increased feelings of guilt, shame, or self-hatred
- Unsuccessful attempts at ending the behavior
- Increased secrecy, and repeated attempts to hide the behavior
- An increase in severity of usage, including spending more time or money, or seeking harder material
- In some cases, increased risk-taking, self-harm, or suicidal behavior
Compulsion vs. Addiction vs. Obsession
Some medical professionals consider pornography to be a compulsion rather than an addiction. A compulsion is defined as an intense urge to do something. The urge may result in a behavior, or may stop at the urge. Compulsions are part of the broader term of addiction, which is the entire process that causes a person to become dependent on a substance or behavior. Compulsions do not always produce pleasure, while an addiction does. People with compulsive behavior usually recognize that they have an obsession or a thought that continually preoccupies their mind. They often understand that this obsession is harmful. In contrast, people with an addiction are more likely to be in denial.
How Do I Break a Porn Addiction?
Once you’ve identified the problem you may, because of previous failed attempts to quit, believe that recovery is impossible. Don’t give up hope. You can reclaim your life and fully heal from the addiction. It will take hard work, humility, and perseverance, but success is possible.
Therapy for porn or sex addiction is effective in changing behavior and emotions. Those experiencing porn addiction can use therapy to develop healthy coping mechanisms with the help of workbooks with tips for quitting porn, counseling sessions, and other resources. New tools and research help to constantly improve and evolve the therapy process to be even more effective.
There are a number of different strategies to recovery, and every individual will require a slightly different approach to reach their goals. We’re here to help by providing counseling and support along the way. We offer much-needed therapy that can help addicts get to the root of their problem and overcome it. The road is long, but we’re here to help you through the journey.
When seeking treatment for pornography addiction, it’s important to consider your goals. Some questions you may want to ask to figure out your goals include:
- Do I hope to be “cured” of my addiction after treatment? If so, what is my definition of “cured?”
- Am I open to all kinds of treatment methods, or are there specific treatments I am okay with?
- Am I willing to be completely open about my need for treatment?
- How much time am I willing to invest in treatment?
Be sure to consider any other mental or physical health issues that may be at play along with the addiction, including anxiety, depression, trauma, etc. These issues are very important to discuss with a treatment professional, as they may be related to the root of the addiction.
How Do I Find the Right Therapist?
You’ll want to do your research in finding the right therapist to help overcome pornography addiction. Methods and principles vary from therapist to therapist, so here are some questions to ask your therapist to make sure you’re choosing one who aligns with your goals:
- Does the program include religious or faith-based principles?
- Does the program offer support for your spouse or significant other?
- What are the treatment methods and are there studies to back them up?
- How much experience does the therapist have in treating pornography addiction?
What Questions Should I Ask My Therapist?
Once you’ve decided on a therapist and treatment plan, you should spend some time evaluating if your choice is fitting your needs and providing effective treatment to your addiction. Don’t hesitate to switch therapists or seek other options if you find that the treatment is not a good fit. After your first few visits, ask yourself the following:
- Do you feel comfortable disclosing all information relating to your addiction?
- Do you feel judged or embarrassed by comments the therapist makes?
- Does the therapist align with your values?
- Do you feel like your therapist is on your team to help accomplish your goals?
LifeStar’s Intensive Outpatient Program is an excellent choice for anyone struggling with pornography or sexual addiction. We help people from all backgrounds overcome their addiction and take their life back. Our intensive six-day program is based on Christian principles and includes support for spouses in an optional three-day workshop. Our program helps both couples and individuals heal in a safe, non-judgemental environment that has proven successful for more than 20 years.
Is Therapy for Porn or Sex Addiction Effective?
Like most addictions, porn or sex addiction can be treated and managed so that the addict goes on to live a life free from the trappings of their addiction. Therapy is effective in changing behavior and developing coping mechanisms to repair relationships and resolve issues brought on by the addiction. An effective program teaches addicts how to recognize the emotions and triggers tied up in the addiction, then change those to avoid the cycle of behavior. The best therapists are always learning new tools and research to improve the effectiveness of their methods.
What Is the Prognosis for Recovery?
Countless individuals, couples, and families have used the power of therapy to successfully overcome their pornography addiction. At LifeStar Therapy, our intensive six-day outpatient experience allows enough time for anyone struggling with porn addiction to begin safely on the journey to recovery and enjoy freedom from addiction. Effective treatment length can vary based on the intensity of the addiction and the depth of the program.
How Does Therapy Compare to Coaching or Twelve Steps?
Those suffering from pornography addiction may seek various methods to recover from their addiction. Some of the options include therapy, coaching, or a twelve-step program. Keep in mind that a recovery coach is not a therapist or doctor. Coaches go through a training program to obtain a coaching certificate, and they may be helpful in finding the right type of therapy or offering support upon reaching sobriety. A therapist can be a psychologist, counselor, psychiatrist, or another professional who treats psychological problems.
A twelve-step program is a set of principles outlining an action plan for someone recovering from an addiction. All three of these methods have benefits and can be used together to help someone learn how to quit watching porn.
How Can I Overcome Addiction While in a Relationship or Marriage?
Pornography addiction can harm relationships, especially with the ones you love most. Partners of someone with a porn addiction have commonly reported feelings of betrayal, distrust, anger, and sadness over the choices of their partner. Because porn can make people less satisfied with their sexual partner, the damage can lead to deep divides in marriages or serious relationships.
Luckily, therapy can help both partners in the porn addiction recovery process. Spouses and partners of someone with a porn addiction need an outlet and place to heal just as much as the person with the addiction. We strongly encourage partners to be open with one other and avoid secrecy about their problems and hurt feelings.
How Do I Disclose a Slip-Up to My Spouse?
Anyone who successfully recovers from a pornography addiction does so by establishing limits on their definition of sobriety. This means they draw a line on the behaviors that are off-limits as long as the person is in sobriety. When this line is crossed, it should be reported to a spouse within 24 hours. This allows the person who slipped up to be held accountable and get back to learning how to quit porn for good. The spouse can help brainstorm ways to avoid future slip-ups and should be supportive and avoid shaming the act. Here are details that should be included in the report of a slip-up:
- Details of what happened during the slip-up
- When the slip-up happened
- Who the slip-up happened with
- Where the slip-up happened
- Why the slip-up happened
How Can I Repair a Marriage or Relationship After Addiction?
The beautiful part about recovery is that relationships can be healed and addicts can get their life back on track in the process. Yes, the damage has probably been done in close relationships in the addict’s life, but time and effort can heal the wounds. Here are some ways to repair a marriage or other intimate relationship after addiction:
- Set boundaries of what you both deem to be acceptable behavior
- Allow each other to practice self-care
- Seek marriage counseling
- Understand that the affected partner will not just “get over it” quickly
- Do not place blame on the addict
Why Is It Important to Discuss Addiction in a Marriage/Relationship?
Because pornography addiction can affect the lives of everyone surrounding the addict, it’s important to establish open communication. Ignoring the behavior will not make it go away or get better. Only by communicating can the addiction become something that can be solved. If you are someone who suspects your spouse has an addiction, you can gently approach the subject without making accusations, placing blame, or creating shame. Set healthy boundaries to avoid enablement or judgment on the issue.
If you do find out someone you love has a pornography addiction, you’ll want to take the next steps to get on the path to recovery. Discuss together how you want to get there. If you’re not sure where to start, seek help from a therapist or coach on how to quit porn. Whether your wife or husband is addicted to porn, there is hope and help out there.
Does My Spouse Have a Porn Addiction?
If you are married—or otherwise connected—to someone with this problem, the struggle and difficulty they experience may have a negative impact on your life as well. While the experiences of loved ones of an addict are often painful, you can help aid in the journey toward recovery. Your loved one may have a porn addiction if you have observed:
- Changes in behavior, such as increased emotional distance, irritability, and inattentiveness
- Decreased interest in favored hobbies and pastimes
- Decreased interest in intimacy with a partner, or an increase in aggressive demands for intimacy
- No regard for the feelings and needs of others
- Denial and anger when accused of suffering from an addiction
- Increased irritability at the discussion of the topic in general
Why Is Porn Addiction Traumatic for Spouses and What Can They Do to Start the Healing Process?
Porn addiction can be as equally devastating for a spouse as it is for the person with the addiction. Spouses experience a sense of betrayal, infidelity, and that their partner is emotionally closed-off, which can, in turn, cause them to become emotionally closed-off as well. Spouses can begin the healing process through our recovery program in our 3-day workshop.
For more information, give us a call and download your free ebook today.
This piece was reviewed by LifeStar Therapist Dan Gray.