The hardest part of any journey is often the beginning. This is certainly true when it comes to the journey of making change—especially a change that involves overcoming an addiction.

It’s no secret that entrenched habits can be difficult to deal with. In trying to help people understand how habits form, Psychology Today explains, “Old habits are hard to break and new habits are hard to form. That’s because the behavioral patterns we repeat most often are literally etched in our neural pathways.” This neural etching can lead from behavior to addiction, and when behavior turns to addiction, change becomes even harder.

As you can see, habitual behaviors, such as compulsive pornography use, come as a result of a chemical process. Each time you engage in the behavior, you are going down a pathway in your brain. Like a footpath, the more you walk on it, the more defined it becomes—making it the path of least resistance.

When learning how to help someone addicted to porn, it is important that you understand how an addiction is formed. It’s essential that, if you want to know how to help a porn addict, you know why and how addictions start so that you can approach the situation with kindness.

If you notice these behaviors in a loved one, consider how best to approach them. If you suspect your loved one is trapped in porn addiction, take action sooner than later.

How to Approach Your Loved One

You may be hurt by your loved one’s addiction—and you are certainly allowed to be. But in order to talk to them about pornography addiction counseling and learn how to help someone who is addicted to porn, you need to consider your approach carefully.

One of the most important things in overcoming an addiction is a solid support group, and that can include you. When you approach or are approached about an addiction, remember that kindness, compassion, and understanding should always come first. You will do far more damage than good if you do not approach the situation in a loving way.

If you want to know how to help someone with a porn addiction, the following are a few vital dos and don’ts that will help you navigate the situation.

3 Things to Avoid

When you approach your loved one about pornography addiction counseling, avoid:

  1. Condemnation. Do not say that you would never have hurt your loved one the way they have hurt you—this is certainly not how to help someone addicted to porn. Try and put yourself in their shoes and understand how difficult addiction is and how brave it is for them to reach out.

Remember that none of us is immune from developing addictive behaviors that can be harmful to ourselves or others, and practice patience.

  1. Guilt-mongering or humiliation. When it comes to how to help a porn addict, guilt and humiliation are never the way to go. The person battling the addiction probably already feels an intense amount of guilt and will not respond well to humiliation or being made to feel guilty.

In fact, this may cause your loved one to continue to deny their problem and resent you. Your job is never to make your loved one feel worse; rather, you should be doing everything in your power to be a positive, encouraging influence.

  1. Making threats.. Giving your loved one an ultimatum or outlining the consequences you will execute will only lead to a lack of trust. They will also be less likely to want help. You can and should set boundaries, especially if you are in an intimate relationship with someone who is addicted to porn, but threats are not part of healthy boundaries.

Don’t sugar coat your feelings, but don’t be overly harsh. Honesty without thought and tact is cruelty. You may feel the desire to make an ultimatum, hoping it will cause pain or ignite change, but threats do more harm than good and can permanently damage a relationship.

Other things you should avoid:

  • Talking about the addiction with other people
  • Making assumptions about the addict
  • Passing judgement
  • Ignoring the problem
  • Not responding when asked for help
  • Lashing out
  • Gossiping or spreading rumors

3 Things You Should Do

  1. Receive guidance. It’s not easy to know how to approach someone with a destructive behavior. LifeStar can help give you the tools you need to approach your loved one with a pornography addiction. Seeking professional guidance as you learn how to help someone who is addicted to porn is a good place to start.

 

A professional will be able to give you case-specific instructions and you will be able to make real change. Consider seeing a counselor together if you are in a committed relationship with a porn addict. Therapy can be very beneficial for both parties, because in a relationship, a porn addiction hurts more than just one person.

  1. Give your support. Everybody’s situation is different, but try to help your loved one know that you are willing to lend your support throughout their pornography addiction counselling. If you want to know how to help someone with porn addiction, this is a big thing.

You have to openly communicate that you are there for them and be vocal about your support.  Even if you are struggling with their addiction, let them know that you won’t turn your back on them as they seek healing. By standing by your loved one, you build a bond of trust. Open communication helps this trust grow, and through your support, your loved one can begin making the changes necessary in their life.

  1. Set boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries shows love and support. Both as someone who is supporting an addict through recovery, or as an addict yourself, boundaries keep you safe and on track. Boundaries help keep the target in sight and give support groups a way to keep open communication and check in with one another.

Other things you should do:

  • If you are an addict, practice positive self-talk and self-compassion.
  • Vocalize the good you see in the addict.
  • Stay positive.
  • Make a recovery plan together.
  • Frequently check in with one another.
  • If you are an addict, work with a professional to identify triggers.
  • Find time for self reflection and meditation.
  • Express love to the addict frequently.
  • Ask your loved one what you can do to best help them in their individual circumstance.

Am I Addicted To Porn?

When you’re in the midst of a porn addiction, it can be hard to step back and recognize the reality of your situation. 

How to Tell if You’re Addicted to Porn

Here are some signs to help you identify if you’re addicted to porn.

  • You feel like you’re living a double life.
  • Your sexual life is suffering.
  • You experience sexual dysfunction.
  • You can’t think about anything but pornography.
  • You experience guilt over using pornography.
  • You look at illegal pornography.
  • You aren’t attracted to your partner anymore.
  • You pay a lot of money to view porn.
  • You are anti-social.
  • You spend several hours a day or week viewing pornography.

How to Stop Being Addicted to Porn

Luckily, there are ways to stop being addicted to porn. Professional treatment is an important aspect of treating this addiction. Here are a few options for how to stop being addicted to porn:

  • See a counselor, psychologist, or therapist.
  • Enroll in a porn addiction program.
  • Have an accountability partner.
  • Set filters and time limits on technology.
  • Focus on small victories.
  • Make a list of triggers and avoid them at all costs.
  • Keep a journal tracking your progress.
  • Join a support group.
  • Talk to a doctor about medication for depression, OCD, or other existing health problems.

Help your addicted love one find the information they need to start making boundaries and changes through professional sources. LifeStar’s outpatient treatment program offers a wealth of information and services to help guide you and your loved one to recovery.

We know what a great struggle pornography addiction can be for all parties involved. Lyndon Johnson observed, “Peace is a journey of a thousand miles, and it must be taken one step at a time.” While the journey may seem long, the sooner it begins, the sooner healing can take place.

If you have any questions about how to start the journey to recovery, please contact LifeStar Therapy today. We have been fortunate to help many people conquer their addiction and transform their lives.

This piece was reviewed by LifeStar Therapist Dan Gray.